Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
