Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
