you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
