check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
