Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
