He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
