I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
as a side note pls kill me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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