tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
