Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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