you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize