Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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