Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
