His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
