Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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