girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
