Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
