I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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