I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Vodka?
Forever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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