I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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