Dual....:-)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
