The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
