she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
