you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize