Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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