You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
