Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
