New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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