yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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