I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
