I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
