Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
