I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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