Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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