I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
