Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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