Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
