you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
my liver is dry heaving
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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