that's an acceptable place to lick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
