if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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