lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
