I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
