Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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