Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
