I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
