He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
