Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
