i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
