I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
