Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
