Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
