What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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