worst night to have a conscience
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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