margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
