Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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