The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
