Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
