Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
