____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
