You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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