So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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