i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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