He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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