M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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