You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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