I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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