Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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